Showing posts with label accidents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accidents. Show all posts
Its been 13 years now, a climb up a cliff face ended in a broken back, i wasn't sure I'd walk again, even sitting up again was distant. looking at the first few days wen the realisation dawned that this was it. at sixteen i was a vegetable, or real close. but it is not the injury i want to talk about, it's what came after. Life for the few years after was always rose tinted. nothing absolutely nothing could go wrong, i was invincible, high speed crashes, climbing the same cliff again, falling in love every day, taking a sabbatical from school, going down a 45 degree slope on a bicycle with doggy brakes, taking apart a scooter, nothing and i mean nothing could hold me back. i had realized that life is fickle it looses interest in the blink of an eye so it was never going to get that chance, again. money was never an issue all that mattered was the next escapade. For example when the first time the doctor told me i could walk, i took off from the bed, that very evening, that had been my prison for the last 6 months, when no one was watching me. The spirit was there, so was determination, but my legs had other ideas after resting for so long they didn't really want to do any work. oh and my nervous system was still drunk. I ended on the kitchen floor with a broken glass and water all over. The noise brought the whole family down on me, listening to them you would have thought i was paralyzed again. so as they yelled at me, i had this stupid smile on my face, as i came off my adrenalin high. Mission accomplished. till 2005 i was a tornado and nothing absolutely nothing could stop me. college was to be conquered. I wanted to leave a trace in every place, every life that i touched. Big bold letters that proclaimed that "Shanu was here" my graffiti on life. Indelible and forever.
Some where along the way i forgot the lessons i learnt, life became a series of accomplishments instead of the high. i forgot that i had a respite, a second chance. then came the MBA and the pursuit of the golden career. Everyday anxieties, worries and frustrations came back. Wants and needs grew. Where i was happy careening around on a 100 cc bike i wanted one with a 1000 cc. Backpacking and hitching around Rajasthan wasn't enough, i want to drive around the world. then, Life happened, again. The glowing grades and accolades from my professors turned into biting remarks, the healthy back, turned troublesome, and the glowing some times telepathic relationship turned into a burden, for her. Ridiculed by batch mates, reviled by the professors, and sympathized by my friends. I closed up on my self, i couldn't understand what had gone wrong. I knew or thought that i knew i was one step ahead of life. This couldn't happen. Self pity and recrimination meant that i sat there looking at my life disintegrate with morbid fascination. Family aghast, friends horrified and the rest of the world went on while i sat there, closed up in a room for six months caught up in the view. Treatment for depression followed, transforming to lethargy and every thing attendant. I was still not ready to concede that there was some thing wrong with me. All i knew was the world was out to get me, what had i done to deserve this? Then one day a friend came and yelled at me, it was not recrimination, it was not anger or disappointment. she yelled because being the way i was, was hurting her and my other friends. Seeing her yell and cry was an eye opener, pity turned into disgust. I realized that i had lost sight of my life, lessons learnt at a great price. My reprieve all those years back was forgotten. I stopped taking medication, went out for a ride. cleaned out my closet both literally and mentally. I wanted a job, i wanted to work.
It was a second shot, i was wasting it. MBA was gone, done, over. Now i had to move on. I wanted to believe THE FALL was life changing, it gave me insights that would let me enjoy life more. But i returned to the emotional base line that i had taken off from. Career, money, the next bike, the next acquisition and the next material high was all i was worried about. Life and Vini pulled me back to earth. Its been 3 years now, i started at the bottom, Getting payed in peanuts for free lance jobs, then small firms and higher, Ive grown and Ive grown to respect what life was teaching me all those years ago. It is my life, i am the only one who can find happiness, its sitting on the rocks with a friend, its a drinking binge after four years of alcohol free existence and talking stuff over, its the birth of your best buddy's first child, it's talking to some one after ages and feeling like you had never been away, Its a travelling two nights and a wasted afternoon, just to spent a morning on the beach with a friend, its going on a shopping binge with your niece and not worrying about the rest of the month. There has been a house in between, furniture, and assorted other stuff, oh and i wouldn't have survived if it hadn't been for handouts and loans from friends. but I'm getting there. It's my life I'm going to live it my way, I'm going to wake up every day and be happy for it. There is crazy taxi driver or a loose cliff stone around the corner ready to take it all away. I'm determined, not to loose sight of the lessons that my second chance, my grace, taught me, and if i do you are welcome to knock me on the head.
Que Sera Sera.
Some where along the way i forgot the lessons i learnt, life became a series of accomplishments instead of the high. i forgot that i had a respite, a second chance. then came the MBA and the pursuit of the golden career. Everyday anxieties, worries and frustrations came back. Wants and needs grew. Where i was happy careening around on a 100 cc bike i wanted one with a 1000 cc. Backpacking and hitching around Rajasthan wasn't enough, i want to drive around the world. then, Life happened, again. The glowing grades and accolades from my professors turned into biting remarks, the healthy back, turned troublesome, and the glowing some times telepathic relationship turned into a burden, for her. Ridiculed by batch mates, reviled by the professors, and sympathized by my friends. I closed up on my self, i couldn't understand what had gone wrong. I knew or thought that i knew i was one step ahead of life. This couldn't happen. Self pity and recrimination meant that i sat there looking at my life disintegrate with morbid fascination. Family aghast, friends horrified and the rest of the world went on while i sat there, closed up in a room for six months caught up in the view. Treatment for depression followed, transforming to lethargy and every thing attendant. I was still not ready to concede that there was some thing wrong with me. All i knew was the world was out to get me, what had i done to deserve this? Then one day a friend came and yelled at me, it was not recrimination, it was not anger or disappointment. she yelled because being the way i was, was hurting her and my other friends. Seeing her yell and cry was an eye opener, pity turned into disgust. I realized that i had lost sight of my life, lessons learnt at a great price. My reprieve all those years back was forgotten. I stopped taking medication, went out for a ride. cleaned out my closet both literally and mentally. I wanted a job, i wanted to work.
It was a second shot, i was wasting it. MBA was gone, done, over. Now i had to move on. I wanted to believe THE FALL was life changing, it gave me insights that would let me enjoy life more. But i returned to the emotional base line that i had taken off from. Career, money, the next bike, the next acquisition and the next material high was all i was worried about. Life and Vini pulled me back to earth. Its been 3 years now, i started at the bottom, Getting payed in peanuts for free lance jobs, then small firms and higher, Ive grown and Ive grown to respect what life was teaching me all those years ago. It is my life, i am the only one who can find happiness, its sitting on the rocks with a friend, its a drinking binge after four years of alcohol free existence and talking stuff over, its the birth of your best buddy's first child, it's talking to some one after ages and feeling like you had never been away, Its a travelling two nights and a wasted afternoon, just to spent a morning on the beach with a friend, its going on a shopping binge with your niece and not worrying about the rest of the month. There has been a house in between, furniture, and assorted other stuff, oh and i wouldn't have survived if it hadn't been for handouts and loans from friends. but I'm getting there. It's my life I'm going to live it my way, I'm going to wake up every day and be happy for it. There is crazy taxi driver or a loose cliff stone around the corner ready to take it all away. I'm determined, not to loose sight of the lessons that my second chance, my grace, taught me, and if i do you are welcome to knock me on the head.
Que Sera Sera.
Labels: accidents, and every thing in between, life
It was a cold night about 4 years ago and the season had just started. Surya, having been brought up in sunny kerala for all of her 18 years, took and instant dislike to the winters and i was trying to do all i could to make her winters as warm for her as possible. Tonight we had ridden to the city in such an effort. We went to this huge annual fair and brought her an arm load of sweaters and jackets to keep her warm and then with us saddled with all this stuff we went home and as it was getting late were riding back to the residential campus we were both students in. the night got dark as we got to the outskirts of the city and we were doing a steady 70 kph when a huge Tata Truck over took and us a sped into the night. i reduced my speed as the Truck went by and then raced up again, never getting too close to the Truck but riding slightly to the left of the truck in a effort to use it to stall the winds buffeting us, then i saw a Mini bus ahead and the truck slowed so i slipped to the right checked the on coming lane for traffic and over took both the truck and the bus and headed our way.
the truck and us swapped places once more and but we still were going faster than the truck and were approaching the junction were we had turn right on to this flyover that took us to the University. the junction is slightly offset towards the right so that people coming off the flyover have a long sweeping left hander that are generally taken at great speeds, so i moved left of the road, checked the left incoming lane where it joined the Highway for any traffic as well as any traffic coming off the flyover into the sweeping turn. seeing none i checked my mirrors once before i raced to the flyover, i instantly saw the truck lights shining in the gloom of my rear view mirror.
and realsied that at the rate that he was coming i wont be able to turn right on to the flyover before he crossed us and i had no idea weather he was going left or right on to the flyover with us. before i could decide he was on us and cut right in front of us with our blinking indicators and all and overtook us from the right and turned left immediately nearly crushing us between the highway barrier next to the higway and the front wheel. i realised that if he finished the turn we wold never be able to stop in time and we would go under the truck, or veer left and smash into the wall. suddenly i was very afraid, iwas affraid for me but i was afraid more for the little girl behind me in a new helmet and a backpack full of new shopping that she was eager to show off to her friends "what had i got her into?"
i throttled up, squeezed thru the gap that slightly wider than my bike, between the barrier and the truck and was out in the clear. with the truck turning left and leaving us safe.... i was still scared and real angry, i realised, by the grip of Surya's hands that she was scared too. relief sweapt over me, no i didnt save our lives but we got thru that only on pure instinct, but the relief was momentary shattered by a shout of warning from Surya, i looked to see a Tractor right in front of me on the left side of the road with no lights, heading straight for us. i knew then and there, we were going to crash. I tried to scrub of the speed using my rear brakes while using the front disk to keep the bike straight but it wasnt going to happen, and we hit the tractor it climbed the front of the bike and we were down. the tractor was on the front wheel of the bike with me lying between its two front wheel, i heard a gasp and then a sob and realised the way it must appear to Surya in the dark with me apparently trapped under a tractor.
we were safe the bike was safe and the biggest injury was that Surya had a scrapped Knee the jacket, the helmet and the big burly bag stuffed with soft wool saved her and i was saved by luck and the fact that she gave me warning.
It was the national higway, with a Major National University situated on it, just beyond a highly populated Paramilitary zone can we let drivers like this still drive the trucks and busses and other vehicles? isnt it time that we overhauled the system no one died that day and even if some one had i dont thing it would have made a difference, but a tractor with no lights on the wrong side of the road, and reckless drivers, some thing ahs to be done
the truck and us swapped places once more and but we still were going faster than the truck and were approaching the junction were we had turn right on to this flyover that took us to the University. the junction is slightly offset towards the right so that people coming off the flyover have a long sweeping left hander that are generally taken at great speeds, so i moved left of the road, checked the left incoming lane where it joined the Highway for any traffic as well as any traffic coming off the flyover into the sweeping turn. seeing none i checked my mirrors once before i raced to the flyover, i instantly saw the truck lights shining in the gloom of my rear view mirror.
and realsied that at the rate that he was coming i wont be able to turn right on to the flyover before he crossed us and i had no idea weather he was going left or right on to the flyover with us. before i could decide he was on us and cut right in front of us with our blinking indicators and all and overtook us from the right and turned left immediately nearly crushing us between the highway barrier next to the higway and the front wheel. i realised that if he finished the turn we wold never be able to stop in time and we would go under the truck, or veer left and smash into the wall. suddenly i was very afraid, iwas affraid for me but i was afraid more for the little girl behind me in a new helmet and a backpack full of new shopping that she was eager to show off to her friends "what had i got her into?"
i throttled up, squeezed thru the gap that slightly wider than my bike, between the barrier and the truck and was out in the clear. with the truck turning left and leaving us safe.... i was still scared and real angry, i realised, by the grip of Surya's hands that she was scared too. relief sweapt over me, no i didnt save our lives but we got thru that only on pure instinct, but the relief was momentary shattered by a shout of warning from Surya, i looked to see a Tractor right in front of me on the left side of the road with no lights, heading straight for us. i knew then and there, we were going to crash. I tried to scrub of the speed using my rear brakes while using the front disk to keep the bike straight but it wasnt going to happen, and we hit the tractor it climbed the front of the bike and we were down. the tractor was on the front wheel of the bike with me lying between its two front wheel, i heard a gasp and then a sob and realised the way it must appear to Surya in the dark with me apparently trapped under a tractor.
we were safe the bike was safe and the biggest injury was that Surya had a scrapped Knee the jacket, the helmet and the big burly bag stuffed with soft wool saved her and i was saved by luck and the fact that she gave me warning.
It was the national higway, with a Major National University situated on it, just beyond a highly populated Paramilitary zone can we let drivers like this still drive the trucks and busses and other vehicles? isnt it time that we overhauled the system no one died that day and even if some one had i dont thing it would have made a difference, but a tractor with no lights on the wrong side of the road, and reckless drivers, some thing ahs to be done